- Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.
Is your new cat a little standoffish? Don’t feel bad—cats are sensitive creatures, and winning them over can take time and dedication. The good news is that cats are capable of affection and forming deep bonds with their humans. You just need lots of patience, respect, and a stockpile of treats and toys.
The first few months with your new cat are important for setting the stage for a loving relationship built on trust. We’ve asked two veterinary professionals for advice on how to get a cat or kitten to like you during this crucial period. Below, you’ll find a general timeline of what you can expect with your new cat, plus tips for bonding and becoming your cat’s favorite person.
How Long Does It Take for a Cat To Like & Trust You?
The key to helping a new pet adjust? Patience, patience, patience. Getting a new cat to trust you and feel at home takes time. Every cat is also unique, and each one will settle at their own pace. Some will be at ease within hours—others could take several months before they’re fully acclimated. You’ll have greater success if you don’t rush the process.
When it comes to helping a cat settle into their new home, many experts stand by what’s called the 3-3-3 rule. In a nutshell, this guideline suggests giving your cat three days to decompress, three weeks to learn your routine, and three months to start feeling at home.
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First few days: Create a calm and quiet space
In the first few days, your new cat needs time to de-stress. They may be feeling anxious or unsure about their environment. After all, everything is new to them: new smells, new routines, and new housemates. They may try to hide or even test boundaries by attempting to escape.
We know you’re excited about your new cat, and you want them to love you just as much as you love them. But instead of focusing on how quickly you can get your cat to like you, the first thing you need to do is dial back the enthusiasm…a lot.
According to Dr. Neus Torrent Ample, DVM, a veterinarian with Outdoor Bengal, it’s crucial to prioritize creating a calm and peaceful atmosphere at this early stage. She also recommends avoiding loud noises and sudden movements as best you can.
For a smooth transition, create a designated safe space for your cat where they can retreat if they’re feeling overwhelmed. Dr. Torrent Ample recommends using a quiet room away from high-traffic areas that are equipped with all the essentials your cat needs. Don’t force your cat to interact with you if they’re in this space. To keep curious housemates out, cordon off the area with a baby or dog gate until your new cat is ready to be introduced.
Stephen Quandt, CFTBS, a certified feline training and behavior specialist and founder of Stephen Quandt Feline Behavior Associates, LLC, advises outfitting this safe space with:
- A cat bed or blankets
- Litter box
- Food & water bowls
- Toys
- Scratching post or pad
- Cat tree
- Ideally, access to a window perch
“For some cats, a white noise machine, purring cat videos on YouTube, or bird videos on a smart TV may help as well,” Quandt adds, noting that the cat should be the one to decide when to leave their safe space. “If they hide or refuse to approach the door, then they aren’t ready to explore—but if they actively want ‘out,’ then it’s time to let them explore,” he says.
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First few weeks: Establish a routine
After a few weeks, most cats will begin settling in and realizing this new place could be their home. They will usually feel more at ease by this point, and their true personality will emerge.
This is a good time to start establishing routines. Creating a schedule helps provide structure and promotes security and trust. “If we give [our cats] consistent times for meals, special play sessions, and sleep, their bodies will learn these times, and this is comforting and calming,” explains Quandt.
Socializing your cat or kitten is also important. Dr. Torrent Ample recommends spending time with your cat and gently initiating play to build trust and bond with them. At the same time, respecting your cat’s boundaries and signals is crucial. “If they indicate that they need space or don’t want to be handled, give them the space they need and avoid forcing interaction,” says Dr. Torrent Ample.
As you learn more about your cat’s unique personality, you can engage in activities tailored to their preferences. For instance, a high-energy cat may enjoy an interactive electronic toy that keeps them on their toes. A more sedate cat who relishes their solitude may appreciate the privacy afforded by a cat tunnel or cat tree.
Whatever form your play takes, Dr. Torrent Ample emphasizes the importance of continually providing positive reinforcement through treats and affection. “This encourages trust and strengthens the bond between you and your cat.”
If you’re introducing two cats, Dr. Torrent Ample says now is the time to do it. Start with short, supervised interactions and gradually increase visiting time as they become more comfortable with each other. And don’t forget to reward them with treats!
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First few months: Focus on your bond
After several weeks, your cat will likely feel comfortable in their new home. At this point, you’ll still want to maintain reliable routines and limit chaos in your home. But you can give your cat full access to the house and encourage them to explore.
By now, you’ll have a better handle on your cat’s personality and comfort level, so you can start sharing activities they enjoy. Try incorporating lots of interactive play to cement your relationship and effortlessly make your cat like you. “Play helps build trust, relieves stress, and strengthens the bond between you and your cat,” says Dr. Torrent Ample. She recommends using feather wands, interactive treat dispensers, or puzzle feeders.
Additionally, both of our experts suggest clicker training at this stage. “Cats are trainable creatures, and teaching them tricks or behaviors through positive reinforcement training can be a rewarding bonding experience,” points out Dr. Torrent Ample. You can teach your cat simple cue like “sit,” “stay,” or “come.” You can even teach them to give high-fives, stand on their hind legs, and ring a bell.
Depending on your cat’s temperament, taking them on supervised outings may be another mutually enjoyable outlet. “Exploring new places together can be an enriching experience for both you and your cat, strengthening your bond through shared adventures,” says Dr. Torrent Ample. You can let a cat backpack do the work for you—or maybe give leash-training a try.
There are many ways to show your cat how much you love and appreciate them. As you become more familiar with their individual quirks and preferences, you can choose bonding activities that appeal to their unique personality.
How To Bond With Your Cat: Additional Tips
The bonding process will look different from cat to cat, depending on their personality and your household dynamic. Here’s how to handle several common scenarios.
How do you bond with a shy cat?
The process of bonding with a shy cat will look similar to the steps above—but with greater patience and more time spent on each step, says Dr. Torrent Ample. “Activities initiated in the first days should continue over the following weeks and beyond,” she explains.
Quandt also highlights the importance of routine and offering a safe, quiet sanctuary for shy cats. “Create cozy hiding places for them and allow them to hide if they wish to,” he says. A covered cave bed, elevated window perch, or cat tree are all good options.
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How can I build a relationship with an aggressive cat?
If you have an aggressive cat and want to make them nicer, it helps to identify the reason they’re acting out. Sometimes, cats act aggressively out of boredom. “A play-aggressive cat is typically a smart, high energy and very confident cat, and a predator at heart,” says Quandt. In these cases, aggression can be redirected by climbing trees, puzzle feeders, and a variety of toys.
Quandt also emphasizes that cat parents should never discipline play-aggressive cats. This can damage the bond between you and actually worsen the behavior.
However, not all cases of aggression are playful. Dr. Torrent Ample stresses that aggression can also stem from fear or underlying health issues. “If these behaviors persist, it’s advisable to seek guidance from a veterinarian for a comprehensive health check.” An animal behaviorist can help, too.
How should I introduce a second cat to my home?
If you already have a cat and are considering getting them a companion, aim for a slow and gradual introduction. Initially, give each cat their own space, equipped with a litter box, bed, and toys. Feed the cats separately, too.
At first, you can allow the cats to see each other through a screen or gate. Then, offering treats aplenty, gradually introduce them to each other over multiple sessions. Keep interactions brief and watch for signs of stress, separating the cats if things take an aggressive turn.
How can I get my cat to cuddle with me?
Both Dr. Torrent Ample and Quandt remind us that a cat’s proclivity for affection or cuddles is closely related to their individual personality—something that is innate and mostly unchangeable. Some cats are lap cats by nature, while others need their own space.
You may be able to encourage physical affection with treats and play. However, Dr. Torrent Ample says it’s crucial to avoid forcing our cats to cuddle, as this can backfire and create distrust.
“Ultimately, we should strive to love and accept our cats for who they are, respecting their unique personalities and allowing them to express affection in their own way and time,” she explains.
