Hey dog lovers! We wanted to share some of the best (and wurst) dog jokes, puns, and shaggy dog stories with you so you can honor this prestigious howliday doggy-style, by sharing in the bounty of (questionable) humor with your friends and family.
Did we leave out a good one? Share it in the comments—there’s always next year!
Q: What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous?
A: A dog with a machete.
Three boys see a fire engine with a dog go by and discuss what his job is. ‘Crowd control?’ says one boy. ‘He’s the mascot.’ says the second boy. The third boy nods sagely: ‘He finds fire hydrants.’
Q: Why do dogs like conjunctions?
A: They just love buts.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats can’t drive!
Q: How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
A: He was Terrier-fied!
A dog walks into a job center. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a gig in the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
Q: Why was the dog stealing shingles?
A: He wanted to become a woofer!
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of the dog, it’s too dark to read.
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?
A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth $10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A: Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.
Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
A: Because it frightens the dog!
Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. ‘Are you here to see Dr Meyer?’ she asked. ‘Yes,’ the boy said. ‘I’m having my dog put in neutral.’
Q: Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?
A: Because he bites!
Q: What kind of dog did Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound.
What do you get if you cross a Rottweiler and a hyena? I don’t know but I recommend you join in if it laughs.
Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got two left feet!
What do you get when you cross a dog and an egg? A pooched egg.