Hey dog lovers! We wanted to share some of the best (and wurst) dog jokes, puns, and shaggy dog stories with you so you can share in the bounty of (questionable) humour with your friends and family.
Did we leave out a good one? Share it in the comments—there’s always next year!
Q: What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous?
A: A dog with a machete.
Q: Why do dogs like conjunctions?
A: They just love buts.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats can’t drive!
Q: How did the little Scottie dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
A: He was Terrier-fied!
A dog walks into a job centre. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a gig in the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
Q: Why was the dog stealing shingles?
A: He wanted to become a woofer!
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of the dog, it’s too dark to read.
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?
A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth £10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A: Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.
Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
A: Because it frightens the dog!
Q: Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?
A: Because he bites!
Q: What kind of dog did Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound.
What do you get if you cross a Rottweiler and a hyena? I don’t know but I recommend you join in if it laughs.
Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got two left feet!