We get it. Maybe your dog recently got a smartphone and can’t stop following every little trend she sees on Facebook and Instagram. (She’s so darn excited!)
But it may be time for an intervention—time to let her know the qualities that make her the special and unique dog you love won’t ever reach the top of trending hashtags on Twitter or Instagram.
Your dog is more like an Etsy one-off art piece: quirky and one of a kind. And that’s why you love her! Not the label on her collar or the moody black and white instagram selfie she posted at 2 am last night. If your dog is in danger of being a basic bitch, here are seven key things to avoid to let her true nature shine again.
No More Uggs for Your Pugs
Just, no. Those are house slippers at best.
Don’t Overload on Pinterest
A little Pinterest goes a long way. If your dog has a collection of inspirational quotes adorning her kennel, or a secret pinboard of every “Keep Calm and ____” known to canine-kind, it may be time for a Pintervention.
Just Say “No” to Sweatpants with Words on the Bum
Just no. Stop. Your hindquarters are lovely and eyecatching on their own–no need to gild the lily.
Three Hashtags to Avoid at All Costs
And I saw that you liked that “no makeup makeup” how-to video on Youtube.
Yes you are naturally beautiful. Skip the humblebrag.
Fall is just around the corner and so, of course, are all things Pumpkin Spice for man and beast. Maybe it’s time to elect a new “Flavor of Fall.”
No, Photographing Your Food Is Not a Diet
I know you’re supposed to eat three square meals, but this is getting ridiculous! Unless it’s absolutely the most beautiful or the most disgusting dish you’ve ever been served, no need to photograph it.
Avoid Repping Brands and Logos Like It’s Your Job
A $2,690 travel bag? You may as well jump in a LeSport Sac and tape 26 hundred dollar bills to the outside. No one is that impressed, frankly. PS can you say #knockoff? No one is going to begrudge your dog a high-end statement piece or two, but unless your dog actually has an endorsement deal with Gucci, tell her to save her money for smart pieces that will speak for themselves (without all the words)
Are you concerned your dog contracted basic bitchitude from her owner? Take this quiz just to be sure.