The 9 Worst Dog Movies Ever (Seriously, You Don’t Want to Watch These)

For Dog People
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that everybody loves a good dog movie, but just because a movie has a dog in it doesn’t mean it’s any good.

We’ve rounded up a list of the cheesiest, most unwatchable dog movies in existence. Even the presence of adorable dogs can’t save these flops. Here are nine of the worst dog movies ever made. You can watch them if you want, but don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Look Who’s Talking Now (1993)

This third and final installment in the Look Who’s Talking trilogy is a classic opposites-attract story, with a family adopting a mutt (voiced by Danny Devito) and a French poodle (voiced by Diane Keaton). The pair hate each other at first, but then, well, you know how these stories always work out. The dogs are cute, and there are some funny moments, but for a “family comedy,” Look Who’s Talking Now is surprisingly un-funny and un-family-friendly. Do yourself a favor and watch a classic like Lady and the Tramp instead.

Karate Dog (2004)

The best thing about the 2004 made-for-television film Karate Dog is the karate dog himself, a beautiful French Briard voiced by Chevy Chase. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie fails to live up to the titular martial arts expert. Former MTV VJ Simon Rex co-stars as a policeman who teams up with the talking, fighting dog after its master is murdered. It’s a fun premise, but the movie isn’t as funny as it thinks it is, and the CGI violence (yes, Karate Dog actually does karate) is frankly unsettling. But you don’t have to take my word for it: the entire movie is streaming for free on YouTube. How far can you get?

Underdog (2007)

This film adaptation of the 60’s cartoon takes extreme liberties with the Underdog story. In the original animated shorts, Underdog was a Superman-esque canine hero who saved his love, Polly Purebred, from a variety of hairy situations. In the film, Underdog is given a complicated backstory involving an lab accident in a mad scientist’s lair. Although the movie has some promising features (a solid superhero origin story! a ridiculously cute Beagle! Peter Dinklage!), it’s an overlong, corny mess without the silly, cartoony fun of the source material. Plus, it features the ultimate in bad dog movie technology: CGI mouths that move when the animals talk. Creeptastic!

Snow Buddies (2008)

Snow Buddies is one of seven direct-to-DVD installments in the Air Buddies series, which itself is a spin-off of the Air Bud series. The “buddies” are a group of puppies sired by the original Air Bud, and there’s no denying that they’re cute. After all, who doesn’t love a bunch of fluffy little golden retrievers stumbling around? Unfortunately, their adventures are equal parts boring and bonkers; in Snow Buddies, they go to Alaska to learn how to be sled dogs, then end up lost on the tundra. Watch this clip for proof (or don’t. Really, we can’t recommend it).

Beethoven’s Big Break (2008)

Perhaps you have fond memories of the original Beethoven, a sweet and funny flick starring Charles Grodin and an enormous, slobbering St. Bernard. Even the first sequel was pretty enjoyable for a kids’ movie that repeated the exact same jokes as the original. But once the series went direct-to-video, it became an endless slog of repetitive plots, increasingly crass jokes, and bad acting. Beethoven’s Big Break is the final installment in the series, in which a struggling actor and single dad (Jonathan Silverman) finds himself the personal wrangler for, you guessed it, a certain large and lovable St. Bernard. Watch the trailer above (if you dare) for a peek at all the corny dialogue, impossible plot twists, and literal toilet humor.

Marmaduke (2010)

 Oh, William H. Macy. We expect so much better from you (and you too, Lee Pace, Owen Wilson, and a host of other respectable actors). Marmaduke the film is based on the classic comic strip of the same name, which has run syndicated in newspapers since 1959. Sadly, the movie “adaptation” strips away everything good about the old-fashioned but charming comic, moving the Great Dane and his family from Kansas to California, and turning Marmaduke from a big, goofy, good-intentioned family member into a big, creepy, CGI-mouthed surfer dude. As Roger Ebert said in his review, “Little kids may like it. It’s not offensive.” But it’s certainly not good.

A Halloween Puppy (2012)

While experimenting with magic spells on Halloween, a teenage boy accidentally turns his mom’s boyfriend into a puppy. A magic puppy. According to the trailer, the rest of the film is supposedly “a tail-wagging adventure,” but one IMDB reviewer describes it as “boring, slow, dull, and bland.” Believe it or not, A Halloween Puppy is the first in a series that includes A Christmas Puppy and An Easter Puppy. You can catch all of them streaming online for free (but we wouldn’t suggest it).
The truth is, most of these “bad” dog movies were made for little kids, so maybe it’s okay that they’re silly and boring for adults. After all, at least the dogs are cute! But with so many good dog movies out there, you don’t need to spend time watching the less-than-good ones. Pop some popcorn, curl up on the couch with your four-legged best friend, and watch any dog movie but these.
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Elisabeth Geier

Elisabeth Geier is a writer, teacher, and animal advocate with extensive animal handling experience and a soft spot for bully breeds and big orange tabbies.

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