Welcome to Paws and Effect, a pet expert advice column penned by longtime Rover contributor and award-winning pet writer, Jen Reeder. From navigating squishy social scenarios and murky ethical territory to burning behavioral or moral questions about cats and dogs, Jen uses her years of experience and hard-earned instincts to find real solutions for real pet people. Got a question for Jen? Submit a question here.
Dear Jen,
I work from home and spend a lot of time on my laptop in my backyard where I enjoy watching the local wildlife, and often, the stray cats of the neighborhood. I have a few feeders for the birds, a supply of peanuts for the squirrels, and—against my husband’s wishes—I often sneak food to the stray cats (we already have two kitties so I just buy a little extra cat food). I have noticed that all the cats who come through are unaltered males, and they are territorial and will fight over the food, and also spray around our house, porch, and basement windows. I hate it (my husband really hates it) but I also hate the idea of thinking there are all these cats in the neighborhood who go hungry every day. I have tried to cut back on the amount of food I give the cats, and where I put their bowls (to avoid the spraying) but in comparison to our beloved house cats, the strays always look so scrappy and scrawny that I feel compelled to offer them some food. It’s so easy for me, and I know they are hungry, but it makes my husband resentful. What am I supposed to do?
Signed, Need to feed
Dear Need to Feed,
I can relate to your compassion for animals but I do have some concerns about your situation—from the strays to the strain on your marriage. So, here are three letters that will change your life: T.N.R.
TNR is an acronym for the term “Trap-Neuter-Return.” I first learned it years ago as a newspaper reporter in Durango, Colorado, when I interviewed a woman who’d been feeding two stray cats. The cats ended up mating and quickly produced five or six litters of kittens. Soon she was spending around $30 each week to feed about 40 cats and was at her wit’s end.
She called La Plata County Humane Society, which sent a team to humanely trap the cats, bring them to the shelter to be spayed, neutered, and vaccinated, then return them to their outdoor realm—all for free.
Most animal welfare advocates have embraced TNR as the humane alternative to euthanasia, since community cats (formerly called “feral”) can’t be adopted into homes. (Some do get adopted as “barn cats” or “working cats” to help with rodent control on farms and wineries, though!)
So if you want to save lives—and potentially your marriage—you and your husband could work together to humanely trap the cats in a sort of TNR bonding exercise. You might start by letting him know you understand his concerns about the noise and spraying, researched the problem because you care about his happiness and your relationship, and found a way to help him as well as the cats. If he tries to interrupt, calmly ask him to hear you out, and to respect your need for compromise since you can’t simply watch cats starve to death in your yard. (I’m guessing your compassionate nature might be something he loves about you!)
The nonprofit Alley Cat Allies shares step-by-step instructions about how to get started. You could also call your local animal shelter and ask if they have a TNR program; if not, you could see if they know of any independent efforts, such as metro Atlanta’s TNR nonprofit, TrapKing Humane, that might be able to help you.
The nonprofit’s founder, Sterling “TrapKing” Davis, is a rapper turned humane trapper who has saved countless community cats through his TNR work. He says you will be amazed by the difference you’ll see after the male cats in your yard have been neutered—the fighting over mates and spraying to mark their territory should stop.
“Once they get fixed, a lot of that calms down instantly,” he tells Rover. “A lot of people would be surprised. It’s not as tough or bad as you think [after cats are TNRed].”
You’ll want to TNR the cats as soon as possible, because cats can get pregnant as young as 4 months old, and then give birth about two months later. However, in case kittens show up before you gather your traps, think twice before handling one, Davis says. Kittens need to weigh at least two pounds before being altered and need to stay with their mothers while nursing. (The ASPCA offers a free online tool for assessing the condition of kittens found outside at: aspca.org/FoundKittens.)
“We all love kittens, but if you go picking them up, nine times out of ten, the mom is nearby. She’ll either move them or she might reject them,” he cautions.
Davis hopes you’ll be part of his movement to make TNR as common as recycling. Many cat groups have an array of resources and support to make it easier to do, such as food donations for people like you who feed strays.
In your case, the benefits of spaying and neutering extend beyond just cats—while “fixing” pets is proven to help them live longer, healthier lives, it might bring more peace and unity in your marriage and offer a better quality of life for everyone—cats and people—in your neighborhood.
“It’s a team effort. I would love to go in my RV and just sweep through the whole world and do it by myself,” he says with a laugh, “but it’s going to take more people to get involved and play their part. I think that’s something that’s our responsibility because these cats don’t have a voice. We have to have people that are a voice for them.”
On that stirring note, good luck and happy trapping!
Got a question for Jen? Submit a question here.