What do you do when your kids want a dog and you don’t? For one dad, the answer was clear. You write up an ironclad contract of behavior and responsibilities for your family and future dog-to-be. Redditor rjohnstone13 posted his hilariously detailed contract to /r/MildlyInteresting and the internet shared a sensible chuckle. Read on for the happy ending!
Here’s a picture of the contract, with the full details below. Note: Reluctant Dad definitely has a sense of humor.
After Dad presented them with the contract, the kids immediately agreed to his terms.
Family Dog Contract: Full Text
We can get a dog if everyone agrees to all of the following terms.
- Dad never has to pick up dog poop. Ever. The dog’s poop is picked up at least 3x per week by children to Dad’s satisfaction.
- The dog is well-trained to poop in the side yard (rocks against Barbara’s fence). All family members agree that dog poop does not belong/will not be tolerated on either the front or rear lawn.
- The dog is very small. Target weight is
10 pounds15 pounds
- The dog does not shed. At all.
- The dog does not slobber or have a runny nose. All parties agree that those kind of dogs are gross.
- The dog does not scratch the floor. Dad does not care how this is prevented — clip nails closely, walking boots, surgically remove feet, etc. All parties agree that the dog may not scratch the floor.
- Dad never has to give the dog a bath. Also, if Dad decides the dog smalls, a kid gives the dog a bath within 24 hours.
- If the dog makes any sort of mess inside the house and new-age cleaning treatments prove ineffective, harmful chemicals will be allowed in an effort to eliminate stains and/or odors.
- Dad has unrestricted veto power over the dog’s name.
- The dog does not receive organic, gourmet or special diet dog food. All parties agree that plain old dog food is fine.
- The dog is never referred to as a child or sibling. All parties agree that the dog is a dog.
- The dog is not included by name on the family Christmas card. Also, if there is a picture of the dog on the family Christmas card, it shall be merely incidental — i.e., the dog will not be primary subject of a photo.
- The kids promise to never fall out of love with the dog or get bored of it. All parties agree that the dog is primarily the kids’ responsibility for its entire life.
They found the perfect dog to adopt, and upheld their end of the bargain to this day, two years on.
The best part of all? Dad fell in love with his newest family member, Kershaw. Here he is today.