- Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.
It’s hard not to like dogs. Here at Rover, we fall in love with just about every pup we meet. But how do you get a dog to like you?
Building trust with your own dog—otherwise known as bonding—is different from getting a new, unfamiliar, or shy dog to like you. Whether you’re babysitting a new dog, adoring a passing pooch in public, or trying to learn how best to approach a friend’s shy pup, you can do a few things to help earn the dog’s trust.
For advice, we spoke with Beth Mullen, a certified canine behavior consultant (CBCC-KA), dog trainer (CPDT-KA), and owner of Dog Latin, a company specializing in canine fear and anxiety.
What Dogs Like and Don’t Like
A dog’s likes and dislikes vary greatly by their personality and experiences. And so should your greeting style. “How many greetings do humans use with other humans?” asks Mullens. “Many! Yet we tend to greet all dogs the same way. Pick greetings based on your relationship.”
For an unfamiliar dog or a pup you don’t know well, that means starting slow with friendly, respectful behaviors.
Behaviors dogs tend to like include:
- A slow approach—let the dog come to you and sniff you
- Respecting the dog’s personal space—ignoring them often draws them to you
- Calm, gentle movements and speech
- Yawning and slowly blinking your eyes to send non-threatening signals
- Offering treats, either with an open palm or by tossing them to the dog’s feet (if their pet parent approves)
Human behaviors dogs may not like, especially if they’re not familiar with you, include:
- Bending over them
- Reaching toward them (especially towards their head or face)
- Making eye contact with them
- Yelling or loud speech, especially if you’re talking to a nervous dog
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Wirestock via iStock
What To Do When Meeting a Dog for the First Time
When meeting a dog for the first time, Mullen recommends letting the dog approach you first. “Attract dogs to you by ignoring them,” she advises. “Allow them to sniff freely without touching.”
Remember, too, that sniffing isn’t an invitation to pet. “When dogs sniff a person, they are simply seeking more information,” Mullen explains. Even if you’ve met a dog a few times and have built a solid rapport, it’s best to let them sniff you first.
Once the dog has checked you out, wait for their body language to give you the green light to pet them. “If the dog’s body is loose and wiggly, pet it twice on the chest,” Mullen advises.
A skittish or nervous dog may appreciate it if you don’t face them directly. Instead, crouch sideways and pet them while facing slightly away.
If you’re having trouble getting a new or shy dog to like you, try positive reinforcement with treats (with the pet parent’s permission). “Toss yummy snacks away from you,” says Mullen. “Do not make food contingent on being close to you. Let the dog choose to move closer to you.”
How long does it take to gain a dog’s trust?
When it comes to building friendships and trust with dogs, Mullen suggests thinking of first-date etiquette. “Listen to what a dog is saying through his body language to gauge interest and comfort levels,” she recommends. “Many dogs require a few first dates to feel relaxed.”
What To Ask a Dog’s Owner
A dog’s caretaker often knows the way to their pup’s heart. If they’re present, here are some questions you should ask before interacting with an unfamiliar dog.
- What’s your dog’s name?
- Can I pet your dog?
- Can your dog have treats?
- Does your dog have any fears or anxieties?
- Is there a spot I should avoid petting?
- What’s the best way to approach your dog?
- Does your dog like other people/other dogs?
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RossHelen via iStock
Tailoring Your Approach for Different Types of Dog
If you know a little bit about the dog you’re meeting, you can tailor your approach to make them more comfortable. For example, an excitable young dog can benefit from a different approach than an aloof pup or a wary rescue. Here’s what you can do.
Puppies
To puppies, the world is new and maybe a little scary. Make yourself smaller by crouching to their level and speak in a quiet, gentle tone. Treats can help a puppy come out of their shell. With more excitable youngsters, try directing their whirlwind energy to a puppy game with a toy.
It’s also important to respect a pet parent’s wishes if they ask you not to socialize with their puppy. Some young dogs won’t be fully vaccinated against germs yet, and they need to stay isolated.
Overly friendly or excited dogs
Some dogs can’t control their excitement when guests come over. They might want to jump all over you. The best thing you can do is turn away and stay calm. That helps train a dog to understand that jumping won’t get them attention; only being calm will.
Once the dog is settled, your attention is a great reward. But if you see them getting overstimulated, gently back away and ignore them until they’re calm again. That will earn you the affection of dog and owner.
Shy or anxious dogs
Shy, nervous, or anxious dogs need a lot of space. For some timid pups, it’s an achievement to just be calm in the same room as a new person or guest. To win their affection, ignore them until they’re more comfortable.
You can also project calm, move slowly, and speak softly. Don’t stare at them or make prolonged eye contact. If their pet parent says it’s okay, you can toss a few treats in their general direction—but make sure they land closer to the dog than to you. With patience (and some snacks), you can win a shy dog over.
Reactive dogs
Reactive dogs are dogs who display behaviors like barking, lunging, or growling when stressed by a trigger. Triggers can vary from dog to dog, and their pet parent will be able to tell you what to avoid. For example, some reactive dogs might panic when a stranger comes in their house—but not if they meet on the street first.
The best way to earn the affection of a reactive dog is to follow their pet parent’s instructions carefully and be patient. With time and effort, you can become someone the dog trusts.
Aloof or reserved dogs
Reserved dogs have a charm all their own. Practice your basics by offering space, not making eye contact, and tossing treats. Go the extra mile by finding out from their human what they really like. For example, if they’re comfortable with it, ask if you can be the one to give them their daily chew, or volunteer to take them on their favorite walk.
Usually, aloof dogs take time to warm up—but by being patient and respectful, you can earn their quiet affection.
