We love you. We’re here for you.
But we’re staging a little intervention.
Your friends don’t know how to tell you, but if you could avoid the following behaviors in the future, we’d all feel a little less awkward around you.
Letting the dog eat off your fork
Mentioning anal glands in polite conversation
When you accidentally say “Good Boy!” to a human
The fact that you threw your dog a surprise birthday party
Discussing the amount, consistency, and timing of your pup’s poops
You spend more on your dog’s wardrobe and upkeep than your own
Not going on a second date because your dog disapproved
Blaming the dog for gas when he’s not even in the room
Three words: Dog. Baby. Carriage.
Matching pawdicures though
I mean, have you looked at your couch objectively lately?
When you kiss your dog before your S.O. (on the lips)
When you feature your dog over your kids in the Christmas card
When your dog’s Instagram has more followers than your personal
The fact that your dog has business cards