Who Keeps the Dog in a Divorce?

Divorce comes with a whole slew of problems to solve: Who stays in the house? Who keeps the car? And of course, who gets the dog?

Care and custody arrangements, division of expenses, and arguments over who the family dog prefers can make an already tough situation even tougher. A Rover new research (survey of 1,000 UK dog parents conducted via Pollfish in 2023) revealed that 39% of pet parents have stayed in a relationship longer than they wanted to for the sake of their dog. Not wanting their pooch to be from a broken home, Brits have admitted staying in their relationship for an average of two years (25 months) longer than they wished.

Almost a third (30%) of Brits, though, have never had the conversation about what would happen to their dog should they ever separate. For those who have already experienced a breakup while co-owning a dog, they revealed that the ultimate deciding factors came down to who wanted the dog in the first place (39%), who had the most time (33%) and who was more financially stable (26%).

A further 18% let the dog pick their favourite parent – making the decision for them as a couple. 

It seems keeping all parties happy in this situation is a difficult balance to strike, with only 8% of dog owners agreeing on shared custody over a pet, while 32% wish they hadn’t ‘rolled over’ so easily when it came down to deciding who would keep their dog. 

Co-parenting a Dog After A Divorce: All You Need To Know

With the risk of one person ending up in the doghouse after a relationship ends, pet parents agree (46%) that couples should consider signing a ‘pet-nup’ when deciding to own a dog together. In reality, 55% feel that devising a schedule for visitations and dog walks is the best course of action.

Nobody gets married thinking they’ll one day divorce, and it can be uncomfortable and sad to broach the subject of what to do about the dog if your marriage doesn’t last, but having that awkward conversation early on will minimise heartbreak down the line. Think of it as planning for an emergency that will hopefully never occur: you have a fire escape plan and a first aid kit, so why not be prepared in case of divorce, too?

The Blue Cross’ Pet Nup is the pet equivalent of a pre-nuptial agreement, but with pet welfare at its heart. It sets out the right of ownership in the event of a divorce or relationship breakdown and covers ongoing pet care.

When divorce it’s not just a remote possibility but it turns into a harsh reality, you might come to the conclusion that splitting dog custody might be the best solution. How to do it right, though?

Rover.com’s canine behaviourist and trainer Adem Fehmi helps us navigating this difficult time.

 “It’s important that owners be careful not to unintentionally promote behaviour issues such as separation anxiety and, if these do arise, seek professional help to work through such issues together – as a team.” 

Prepare, prepare, prepare!

Fehmi suggests to introduce new homes and environments over time in short, productive, and controlled sessions. When this is not feasible, he encourages trying to keep routines as familiar as possible in both homes, and keep familiar items that your dog can associate positively with – beds, blankets, favourite foods, toys, and so on.

Agree on expectations and responsibilities – and stick to them

The dog’s daily routine should be consistent across both homes, and most importantly, Fehmi insists on the need of offering the same food, and to share the responsibility of veterinary and grooming visits.

To avoid any tummy upsets, food offered should be the same across both homes, and to ensure the continued health of your dog, it is important to agree who will be responsible – “both in terms of taking your dog, as well as for the cost”, he specifies – for veterinary and potentially pet insurance expenses. 

Fehmi, in fact, believes it is best to have a conversation about all these aspects of pet ownership beforehand, and have a written agreement in place if necessary, rather than make assumptions and running into issues later down the line.

Limit the stress to a minimum

Thinking that such situation won’t generate any stress it’s definitely unrealistic, but both parts should try to limit it as much as possible, especially around your dog. Fehmi reminds us that some dogs can be very sensitive to a change in emotion or atmosphere, and that “this can lead them to feel stressed and anxious. Keeping as calm as possible can help your dog to cope with change.” 

Exercise helps dogs, too

Just like humans, pets benefit from regular exercise, and a tired body and mind is less likely to have excess energy to place into worrying and feeling anxious about their adjusted life.

Fehmi recommends to tailor the exercise sessions to each dog’s capabilities, according to their age and physical health, but on a general level he believes in a gradual session: “a brisk walk with your pooch could work as a warmup, playing ball could be the main activity, and a slow lead walk home can be the cool down time.”

Keep communicating

This might be the hardest part, but if a couple loved and respected each other enough to get a dog together in the first place, chances are they can reframe that love and respect as dog owners even in the wake of divorce.

It is important to regularly check in with your co-owner, adapt care as needed, and address any issues that arise: “your dog’s needs are likely to change as they age” warns Fehmi.

Consider all options

In some circumstances, it’s not always possible for joint custody to be agreed on, or it might not be in the best interest of the dog if they are particularly sensitive to change and will not cope with living between two homes.

To make things as easy as possible for everyone, Fehmi explains it’s important to remove our emotions from the situation and think about what is ultimately best for our pet: “Think about who can offer the most stability and the most consistent approach to your dog’s daily care and individual needs”.

The designated owner, then, should look to make the separation process as stress free as possible. This can be done by sticking to a flexible routine, ensuring plenty of exercise for their needs, and lots of mental stimulation.

Keep in mind that if there’s tension between the couple separating, emotions are perhaps running high, or you know that the dog may become more unsettled by a ‘meet up’ every so often with the owner who is not keeping the dog, it is best to not participate in these. However, remember, it is always best to judge each individual dog and the situation at hand.

Always Put the Dog First

However friendly or acrimonious the divorce, whatever custody arrangement has been worked out for the dog, Fehmi emphasises that it is important to ensure that the dog’s best interests remain at the heart of every decision made: “This may even mean both taking responsibility for working through any behaviour issues that come about – rehabilitation of behaviour issues is likely to only be successful if training is carried out consistently by both owners, and across both homes. Or that just one dedicated home ends up being the best for the dog’s needs.”