How To Pet a Cat the Right Way

It can be tempting to want to run your fingers through the majestic floof of a long-haired cat or tickle your kitty’s tummy when they sprawl out in a pool of sunshine.

But before you let your fingers take the lead, consider your cat’s preferences. For some kitties, petting is better than catnip. Others might contemplate murder if you raise a finger in their direction.

Thanks to these tips and insights from feline behaviourists, knowing where to pet a cat and how to tell when they’ve had enough can help you bring out the purrs instead of the claws and teeth.

Where Are the Best Spots to Pet a Cat?

“It’s always safest to stick to the head and cheeks. When cats are friends with each other, they will often groom each other there as a sign of affection,” says Laura Cassiday, certified cat behaviour consultant and founder of USA-based Pawsitive Vibes Cat Behavior & Training. “Petting your cat’s head is most similar to what a member of his own species would do.”

While all cats are individuals with different preferences, the most cat-friendly petting spots typically include:

• top and back of head
• cheeks
• under chin
• back of neck
• on, between, and behind ears
• base of tail

Conversely, some spots on a cat’s body are universally disliked. Generally off-limit, no-touch petting zones include:

• tummy
• tail
• paws
• lower back
• legs

It’s tempting to want to tickle a cat’s irresistible toe beans and their fuzzy bellies, but these are two of the most sensitive areas on a cat’s body. “The majority of cats hate having their stomachs or paws manipulated,” adds Dr Bernadine Cruz, DVM, emeritus veterinarian associated with Laguna Hills Animal Hospital.

Forcibly belly rubbing or grabbing your cat’s paws can stress them out and could end in you getting bunny-kicked, scratched, or bitten.

How Should You Pet a Cat?

“How you pet a cat can be as important as where you pet them,” says feline behaviourist Stephen Quandt, CFTBS and founder of USA-based Feline Behavior Associates. “Generally, soft petting is best, but some cats might appreciate harder petting, more like massaging.”

To find out what your cat likes, try applying different amounts of pressure while carefully reading their body language. This will help you find out what sends them into a state of purring bliss and what makes them high tail it away. “If the cat is leaning into you, it’s probably safe to increase the pressure,” adds Cassiday. “If they’re neutral or leaning away, it could be a sign to step back.”

“Some cats love to have their ears rubbed and gently tugged upwards,” Dr Cruz also notes. “Massaging down their backbone and a gentle open-handed pat at the tail base will sometimes result in a purr.”

Dr Cruz and Cassiday both suggest petting in the direction the cat’s fur grows in short, gentle strokes. Brushing them backward in brisk, rough motions from their tail up to their head or using long, heavy strokes can be very overstimulating for cats.

When To Stop Petting

Petting can quickly become one-sided, so it’s best to stop petting cats when they decide they’ve had enough. “Many cats will turn that part of their body that you’re petting away from you. Some may also leave the area,” Quandt says.

Sometimes, a cat will take a less passive approach to show they’re done with petting. “If your cat tenses and strikes out, they may have had enough,” Dr Cruz says. “Stop and don’t reprimand your cat. They have rights to personal space just as we do. No means no.”

Other signs to look out for that indicate it’s immediately time to stop petting include:

• ears pulled back
• dilated pupils
• tail quickly swishing back and forth or thumping
• growling or hissing
• swatting
• lunging or charging

How much petting cats want, however, often depends on their personality and mood, so there’s no right answer on when to stop. Some senior couch potatoes are content to cuddle with their favourite human with gentle petting for hours. On the other paw, some very high-energy or perpetually playful cats would rather stalk, chase, and hunt their favourite toys than receive pets.

How To Pet a Kitten

As with adult and senior cats, kittens have likes, dislikes, and different desires for physical touch and close interactions. Petting and gently handling kittens, especially using fear-free techniques, are some of the most effective ways to help a kitten in their essential socialisation process.

But it’s also possible to do it incorrectly, cautions Cassiday. “You always want to keep the kitten in control over the session and allow them to move away if they’d like to.”

When petting a kitten, avoid the following:

• abruptly grabbing them
• snatching them up
• forcibly restraining a kitten
• using too much pressure when petting

Cassiday encourages cat lovers to use common sense when they pet a kitten. “I see a lot of people using oven mitts or extendable back scratchers to corner kittens and pet them. That’s just not a great method. If the kitten isn’t enjoying it, don’t do it,” she says.

When Is It Okay to Pet a Cat?

Unlike some of the more puzzling and confusing cat behaviours, knowing when a cat wants to be pet is pretty unmistakable. That’s true even if you’re a newbie when it comes to understanding cat body language. “Cats will often offer the part of their bodies that they most want pet, like their cheeks,” adds Quandt.

Some kitties might demand physical affection in the following ways:

• rubbing up against you
• headbutting you
• purring
• meowing
• making eye contact like a slow blink with relaxed, half-closed eyes

If the kitty you want to pet isn’t directly seeking attention from you, Cassiday recommends using a consent test to provide choice and agency and, ultimately, build trust.

Here’s how to use a consent test to ask a cat’s permission before petting: 

1. Hold your hand out to the cat.
2. Let the cat approach you.
3. Move your hand a few inches from his or her head.
4. Let the cat initiate the petting with their head or body.
5. Pet for a few seconds, and then hold your hand slightly away again.
6. Let the cat reinitiate the petting.
7. Repeat until the cat walks away.

Why Do Some Cats Hate Petting?

Petting aversion can come from natural personal preference as well as some medical conditions and illnesses, so it’s a good idea to get your cat checked by your vet. That goes double if you notice their preferences changing. “You may be inadvertently touching a spot that causes pain or discomfort, such as arthritis,” Dr Cruz explains.

Health issues that might cause a cat to hate petting include:

• skin disorders
• tumours
• internal organ abnormalities
• neurological disorders
• feline hyperesthesia

What To Do if Your Cat Hates Pets

If your cat hates being pet, that’s okay. There are many other ways you can show affection and have fun together without straining your relationship. “Play is a great substitute,” Quandt offers. “Providing your cat with other forms of enrichment like climbing trees, tunnels, and puzzle feeders is always good.”

If your pet is an indoor cat, training them to go outside in a cat backpack, harness, or lead is a great way to safely expand their world, keep things exciting, and tighten your bond.

Or, if you really want to think outside the cardboard box, you can take on a whole new challenge. “I’m a big fan of clicker training,” Cassiday says. “It’s a lot of fun and a great bonding experience to teach your cat tricks.”