We love you. We’re here for you.
But we’re staging a little intervention.
Your friends don’t know how to tell you, but if you could avoid the following behaviours in the future, we’d all feel a little less awkward around you.
Letting the dog eat off your fork
Mentioning anal glands in polite conversation
You spend more on your dog’s wardrobe and upkeep than your own
Not going on a second date because your dog disapproved
Making your first date weird by being so extra with your dog
Blaming the dog for gas when he’s not even in the room
Three words: Dog. Baby. Carriage.
Matching pawdicures though
I mean, have you looked at your couch objectively lately?
When you kiss your dog before your S.O. (on the lips)
The fact that you threw your dog a surprise birthday party
When you feature your dog over your kids in the Christmas card
When your dog’s Instagram has more followers than your personal
The fact that your dog has business cards
When you order takeout but just for your dog
The fact you successfully pitched a show about your dogs