Dogs. The most beautiful and majestic of creatures. Their undying loyalty and fuzziness have earned them the title of man’s best friend. We love them.
And as we’ve learned, that love is truly unconditional, from the moments of pure doggie joy to those moments that range from the mildly distasteful (who enjoys carrying around tiny sacks of excrement in public?) to the outright gross. (Coprophagia means never knowing if that was a burp or a fart. Or both.)
So we asked our sitters, whose love for dogs is unparalleled, for their most shocking and disgusting dog stories. Their tales may shock you. Make you regret your lunch choices. Or…seem totally familiar.
Most of all, we hope they give you a laugh and let you know we share the joys and challenges of living your life among dogs.
We hereby present the top 10 shocking and gross things only a real dog lover would do, sorted from mild to wild for your reading pleasure.
1. Use your doggie as your primary dishwasher.
2. Remove a live pigeon from your dog’s mouth.
3. Remove eye boogers and let them be “recycled.” By which we mean eaten.
4. Smell your fingers after picking up a particularly messy pile of poop to ensure it was a clean grab.
5. Check poop for worms. Especially if there are worms.
6. Get a big sloppy kiss from your dog at the park, before discovering that he’s just happily eaten duck turds.
7. Grab a cling-on/dingleberry without thinking twice about it (bag over your hand of course) until you look up and see someone looking at you in disgust. Howdy neighbor!
8. Wake up, fresh out of the shower, and celebrate that your puppy made it through the night without peeing in her crate. As you pick the puppy up, she pees all over you. And back to the shower!
9. Scrub the carpet when your dog thoughtfully redecorates your place after consuming an entire tub of something they shouldn’t have eaten.
10. Self-express anal glands. The smell is haunting.
What gross things have you done for your dog?